First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
