i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
