I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.