is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.