My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.