I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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