I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize