would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I met the friendliest cop last night
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
