we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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