some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
