Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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