My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
