My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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