so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
