I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
