Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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