what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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