How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
