i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
