your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
