If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
