I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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