How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
