Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
