I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
