My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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