I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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