when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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