when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
