oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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