Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
