but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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