I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
