I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
