i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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