God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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