Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
