P.S. I can't hear my feet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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