Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
