is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i out mim tonsoeep
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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