i would punch a child for taco bell
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm both gender and math confused
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