He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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