"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
