My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
