my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
