I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
