a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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