That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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