Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
