A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
tell me about the eggs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
