remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
