my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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