I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
