New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
