see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You dont lie about slip and slides
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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