the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
