Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
