yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
