So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
