Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
