Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
