Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
