dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
